Uneditted Show Transcripts Episode 1 – July 2020 Balance – Nichol
Speaker 1 (00:00:02):
Okay, so we are recording now. Let’s see. Okay. Balance, noun, definition of balance according to the dictionary, physical equilibrium, trouble keeping your balance on a sail boat, lost his balance and fell. Equilibrium is the metaphorical sense to me. It’s not always literal. We all fall down sometimes and with good friends we can stand back up. They even hold us while we try to get our sea legs. The ability to retain one’s balance, right? Do you actually retain balance, stability produced by even distribution of weight on each side of the vertical axis when the two sides of the scalar and balance is their actual balance? Cause I’m kind of thinking it’s more like a juggling or a Seesaw, accounting equality balance between the totals of two sides on an account, mental and emotional steadiness. That’s what we’re here to talk about today. But let’s dive a little deeper. My name’s Chris Greer and I’m here with Nicole.
Speaker 2 (00:01:14):
Totally not what I meant to say. It was going to be like all over the place. They’re unscripted conversations.
Speaker 1 (00:01:35):
Okay. My name is Chris Greer and I’m here with my first podcast, so bear with us. I decided to start during into deeper conversations because I noticed that it felt like I had never had those deep conversations. My sister lives on the other side of the country. My best friend moved two hours away a couple of years ago, and everybody I know at this point is friends that I’ve made through my son’s carpool. When he was little people I worked with, they just weren’t the kind of people I could have the deeper conversations with. They didn’t know me like I wanted to know them. So the point of this podcast is to be able to facilitate, participate, and enjoy those kinds of deeper conversations. So today’s conversation is all about balance. In 2017 it was my word of the year. I was at the point where I was finishing up working on a, I’d been in school for four years.
Speaker 1 (00:02:34):
I was newly wed, I had a son in high school and there was trying to start a business. So balance was big to me and it was definitely a journey of a year. So I thought that was a great place to start today because we all hear the word about balance, balancing your work, balancing your life, balancing this, balancing your health. And so it’s definitely a topic of conversation. And I decided to invite Nicole, she’s a mama, a yoga teacher, a full time student, basically a woman, extraordinary. And I’m happy to call her my friend. So we’re going to have just a fun little conversation today. It’s totally unscripted. There’s going to be methods, there’s going to be giggles, but that’s what deeper conversations are all about. So welcome to call. I’m excited your year.
Speaker 3 (00:03:19):
I’m very excited to be here. Chris. I’m just, I’m really inspired by you. I think what you’re doing is great and it’s a needed community. So graduation.
Speaker 1 (00:03:31):
Yeah, I’m excited and you know, it’s going to be a lot of fun. And so why I invited Nicole first is because Nicole being this awesome yoga teacher and if you like, I’ve been in lots of yoga classes and I’m going to make her blush by saying it, but I really think that Nicole is the best yoga teacher I’ve had. And she’s, you brought me back to yoga and that’s kind of catapulted me a little bit more in the direction that I’m going. I was on a journey and her inspiration gave me that. So I want to give you Nicole a moment to share a little bit about who’s Nicole, like tell us about you.
Speaker 3 (00:04:07):
Okay. Well currently I am 39 years old. I where, you know, this podcast is being produced during a court and seeing here. So I’ve I’m a kind of stay at home mom and we will, I’m healthy. My kindergarten daughter to distant learning is what they’re calling it. So but yeah, and I’m, I’m, you know, coming out of this 10 year marketing career and jumped in to go into school full time and teaching yoga and no, I’m pursuing this goal of being more involved in people’s lives in a more therapeutic and holistic way. Kind of a combination of both. I teach yoga and meditation practices within a recovery oriented feel like drug and alcohol recovery facilities. And I also teach within the AIDS community through a local organization here in Greensboro. And you know, I just really value the idea of bringing these practices to people in a really practical way and keeping it very subtle.
Speaker 3 (00:05:32):
That’s been a big part of my journey. So I think it’s, I love that your topic is balance. And I know we’ve had conversations about just, that’s a tricky word, you know. But I really, you know, my desire, my passion is to help people understand that the word yoga and the word meditation, it’s, it’s wide and it’s so big. And it’s possible for any one plays at any time. It took me a while to figure that out. So yeah, that’s kind of where I am. An I, I gotta tell you this, this pandemic quarantine situation has, it’s it’s been humbling, you know, it’s been like, wow, now it’s time to like really question. Am I practicing what I’m preaching? And there’s been times where I’ve had to take a step back and say, wow, you know, I don’t know.
Speaker 3 (00:06:36):
Balance is so much the word as it is just like really shifted priorities. So I had to really take a look at, you know, what’s ego and what’s, you know, really like spiritual conditioning cause I could get caught in the middle of this two things a lot. But you know, then we’ll talk more about that later. But yeah. And then the, I guess the final thing I’ll say is, you know, one thing that I really don’t shy away from is, you know, I come from this you know, jaded past of having a, you know, drug and alcohol addiction myself for 10 years and you know, I’ve been in accidents, space, lifestyle for over 13 years now. And you know, the past six and a half years yoga and meditation practices, I believe have really helped sustain that lifestyle for me. So, but yeah, so I’m just thrilled, glad to be here and interested in having this conversation and seeing where it goes.
Speaker 1 (00:07:46):
Absolutely. We’ve got our water bottles, our tea, and we’re just rolling with it. So I thought we would start by talking a little bit about the definitions of balance. You know, it’s a noun and verb and it’s definitely one that is an active verb because are you ever actually balanced? I think it’s more like balancing. So were any of them that I mentioned already, ones you want to dig deeper into or you want me to read a few more
Speaker 3 (00:08:18):
Re and read? Like revisit the one about, do, do the beginning of them again.
Speaker 1 (00:08:25):
Okay. physical equilibrium.
Speaker 3 (00:08:29):
Speaker 1 (00:08:30):
The ability to retain one’s balance.
Speaker 3 (00:08:34):
Do you retained? Okay. And then there was something one about we’ll do the next lens.
Speaker 1 (00:08:40):
Speaker 3 (00:08:42):
No, keep going. Accounting? No, I don’t know.
Speaker 1 (00:08:47):
Mental and emotional steadiness.
Speaker 3 (00:08:49):
The steadiness. Maybe the steadiness. Yeah, I could, I could kind of pick up on that. I think that, I remember one time being in a therapy session my, you know, this idea being presented to me that multitasking, it doesn’t actually exist. And I thought because I always sort of prided myself on the ability to multitask. But really, I don’t know that I was accomplishing as much. You know, so when I was presented with that idea, I started, you know, getting some, you know, therapeutic homework assignments to take home with me. And I did, I kinda noticed like, wow I’m really not completing a lot of tasks. I’m kind of starting, stopping, starting, stopping, starting, stopping. And I was using a lot of energy to get multiple things started. And while they may have given this illusion of being completed I wasn’t necessarily given a hundred percent, you know? And so when I’m thinking about like this word balance, I don’t know, you know, like, does that really exist? You know, maybe you have to you have to give up one thing in order to do another thing, you know. So when you’re kind of thinking about balance, I don’t know. I know when I worked in the corporate world honestly it was like from eight to five, there was nothing else that mattered, but that, that career, that path, it was almost like an obsession.
Speaker 3 (00:10:43):
And I noticed, you know, there were times, you know, going home, there was such like a, you know, like a depletion of energy, if you will, that, you know, was that really balancing family time? Like yeah, maybe I wasn’t bringing work home with me physically, but emotionally, energetically. Absolutely. You know, so I think like outwardly balance has, it takes on a whole different meaning than inwardly, you know, and it took me, I mean I’m almost 40 and I think I’m just now starting to focus more on that balance, like that’s inside versus what’s going on outside, you know?
Speaker 1 (00:11:27):
Well, and I love that you brought up multitasking. You know, one of the things I didn’t say in the intro is I have recently started my own teacher training, not with the intention of teaching, but really not sure where it’s going. And the call is kind of wide and it’ll be interesting to see over the next 10 months to 10 years what develops. It’s already changing. But in one of the texts that I was reading recently, it talked about, you know, I’m reading the Indian text or basis theory and it says that Westerners think that if you’re successful, if you can multitask, but in fact you’re not here, you’re not now you’re not present. And that’s where we lose our balance. So when you talk about having, you were so focused at work and then you get home and bringing it home emotionally, that’s where we lose that living now and losing living present because that’s where I feel my balance, where I feel like I’m getting it at the moment.
Speaker 1 (00:12:27):
It’s when it’s sitting on the floor and I just take that minute to think my 19 year old sitting on the floor in my living room talking to me and I’m grateful for this moment. Like that’s my balance because for so long we do think as women we’re like, Oh, we have to multitask, we have to do everything. We have to work hard. And that’s when they get to this point in life where we’re midlife and we’re like, I want more. I want deeper. Because so much time on the surface, at least for me, I spent so much time on the surface priding myself on setting the example I’m leading by example. I want him to be strong. I want Kevin to learn from me. And really I didn’t teach him how to always be present.
Speaker 3 (00:13:10):
Yeah, no, I get that. It’s kinda taken that thought, that train of thought. You, you just had maybe a step further as I noticed that I placed a lot of conditions on things like, well, I can’t do this until I do this. You know, it’s almost like, like sort of a ritual say to speak. It’s like I can’t sit down and relax and have a cup of coffee and watch a cartoon with my daughter until I clean the dishes from breakfast, make the bed, you know, circle in the laundry, whatever those things are. And you know, maybe to some people that cause easy, you know? But for someone like me, it’s difficult to learn how to relax in the moment, to understand that while I’m running around saying, well, I can’t relax until I get these things done. I’m missing what’s happening, you know, I’m like, I’m kinda missing out on that.
Speaker 3 (00:14:11):
And so that’s been a really big part of, you know, my experience and kind of what I said earlier. Being here at home all day it’s really brought a lot of focus on myself in ways that have been uncomfortable, you know, and I think the beauty of evolving into like a practice, and I mean I’ve finished yoga teacher training several years ago and over the course of that time and then you know, someone who holds space for others. Now I’ve noticed that I have a deeper awareness and I, and I used to think that there was going to be this day where it was just going to be full awareness all the time. And I was just going to like that it would, that it would kind of prevent me from having certain behaviors. But really what I found out that it does is, you know, this morning I woke up and I had that like ritual tendency, like I’m making the bed and I’m doing this and I’m, you know, and I stopped myself with pillows on the floor and I thought, okay, what’s really going on?
Speaker 3 (00:15:30):
Why am I, you know, being so crazy about the bed being made right now, you know, and it was really, you know, something else there. And so I think learning to, you know, meet myself with just sort of a, Oh, okay, that’s what’s going on. We, we can, we can work with that. You know, we can recognize that, you know, learning how to kind of shed some of the shame of that. And to be honest with you, you know, not the be a Debbie downer here on the word balance, but it can be kind of intimidating, you know, to hear that word. And then it’s like, when I find myself, you know, I’m not being balanced. You haven’t been, I’m judging myself. And the worst thing for me is comparing myself to other people. Like, you know that’s, that’s just a dangerous place for me to go is when I start comparing myself to other people cause I don’t know what other people have going on. You know, maybe, maybe she can do all that stuff cause she has somebody to come in and clean her house or, you know, I don’t know. We all kind of have our ways of, of adjusting and balancing, if you will.
Speaker 1 (00:16:48):
Well, and I love it you say that because that’s one of the things about having these real kind of conversations is really, it isn’t intimidating word. A lot of the words that we strive for are intimidating and that’s why we strive for them. You know, when I was in my first marriage, Kevin was an elementary school. I was room mom by the facto. I had like teachers would tell me, I was really mom, like I didn’t get to sign up. I got told I was because the year before the teachers were like, no, you need to do it. And I remember the day that my ex and I split up. He left and I had a conference with Kevin’s teacher at school so I knew that, you know, it was all about to hit the fan. And so I went to school and I said to her, I’m like, before we even start, I just needed to tell you what’s going on.
Speaker 1 (00:17:39):
And I told her that my husband and I had split up and that, you know, Kevin was in for a Rocky road cause he didn’t know it was coming and I her saying you’re kidding. Like you guys are like the perfect family. Like we all watch you walk around the school and we think everything’s great. And so that’s when you say like judging other people, it’s so often that you think somebody is balanced but you don’t know what’s happening at home. You don’t know how they’re holding it together. Because we’ve all been at that spot where we’re just holding it together and it’s a facade. And if you say you’re not being honest with yourself,
Speaker 3 (00:18:17):
Well that in that word, the word home, you know, I think of that like internal balance, like what you’re talking about, you know, like I don’t know what’s going on inside of another person. And so, you know, learning certain practices, it sort of helps evolve my compassion to the people around me and, and kind of pick up on these energies of like, wow, you know, I’m really, you know, comparing myself to that person, or Hey, I’m being really judgmental with this person and I’m able to come back to a place of exactly what you just said. You know, I don’t, I don’t know what’s going on inside of that person, you know? I don’t know. And I know for me personally some of the most depressing and difficult and emotional times of my life to the outside world, it appeared that I, you know, really have my shit together.
Speaker 3 (00:19:22):
And the truth is only outside, maybe it looks like that, but inside, I mean, I was a mess, just an absolute mess, you know? So it is, it’s a, it’s a tricky word and I gotta tell you too, one thing that I had just really, I don’t, you know, maybe we want to use this word like empowered me or just really helped me break away from this sense of comparing myself to other people is learning how to say no, like not have to sign up for every single parent volunteer activity. I don’t have to attend every single event that I’m invited to. I don’t have to, you know, extend myself to the point that there is no time to really go inside and take a look. You know, what’s really going on, you know? And I, again, this is just my experience. I noticed that when I’m brushing around and I’m trying to meet every obligation that I think I’m expected to attend and I’m trying to be there for every person who’s asked me for a favor or you know, show up or you know, everything to be seen so everyone knows like I’m doing my part.
Speaker 3 (00:20:55):
I mean it goes back to that, that’s really like some other form of like multitasking or thinking that I’m balanced. You know what, what I’ve noticed is and here’s a perfect example. This is where it all started. My daughter has a lot of social anxiety and were talking about this and private conversations. But you know, there’s this time of year, I don’t know if you remember this, be in like a mom where it literally feels like you’re invited to, to birthday parties a weekend, you know? And so when you have a young child who already has like extreme social anxiety and you know, and I have a bit of like, you know, social anxiety as well, and you’re trying to get all these birthday parties because I don’t want to be the mom. He’s not taking my kids to the birthday party.
Speaker 3 (00:21:44):
You know, it, it, there’s no joy in that. You know, like I found myself almost forcing her to go to these parties that she didn’t feel comfortable being out because I didn’t want her to be the unpopular kid in school, or I didn’t want to be the parent who, you know, didn’t bring a gift or, you know, stop getting the invite to the birthday party. You know what I mean? It was this whole thing. And, you know, and I also, you know, didn’t know if it was okay for me to talk to the other parents and say, Hey, this is why we’re not, you know, it’s hindering the Harvey. And, you know, it just, it was a lot. And I remember we went to this birthday party one day and it was just, it was just a horrible experience. My daughter’s screaming, crying, and she’s literally begging me to get, and I found myself saying things to her like, well, look at all the other children.
Speaker 3 (00:22:45):
They’re plain, you know, and I wasn’t necessarily being mindful of what I was saying to her and, you know, and finally I just thought, okay, 20 minutes had gone by. We were trying to breathe and I was trying to talk her in to play, but you know, it just became obvious that it wasn’t going to work. So I removed her from that situation and we get out to the car and get ourselves together. And the first thing she asked me was, are you mad at me? And I fought, man. Do you know what? Never again, you know? And in that moment, like I made a commitment that, you know, not just for her but for me too. Like it’s really important to listen to that. Like she knew what she needed. She knew that that wasn’t where she was spiritually and emotionally, you know, and, and experiencing that with her, it really, it affected me in a way that thought, you know what?
Speaker 3 (00:23:47):
I feel like that sometimes. And it’s like I push through and I’ll push three so I can show up anyway. And really it’s okay to, to not force that on myself. It’s okay to take a step back and say, you know what? I’m going to set still and I’m going to look at, you know, what’s going on. And really ask myself, what do I need in this moment? And learning how to do that has really been life changing for me. But not only that, it’s, it’s helped me learn how to be more compassionate with myself and with other people. You know, it helps me be less judgmental, you know, to other people. Like if, if a mom calls me and says, Hey listen, we just had a really busy weekend, I don’t think we’re going to make you know, the birthday party after all, I understand that, you know, I’m not threatened by that. And I don’t take that personally. In fact, today I say good for her. Like how courageous that is for us to be able to do that. And once we open up to one another and have the kind of conversations that we’re having right now and that you and I had had many times before, and that’s when I think that deeper connection starts happening and that’s when I think that we become more relatable to one another and less comparing of one another. And when that’s going on, I mean the possibilities are endless.
Speaker 1 (00:25:24):
And I think one of the neat things like one of the ladies that I had done some work with before really taught the premise of if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no now. Yeah,
Speaker 3 (00:25:37):
I’ve never heard that actually.
Speaker 1 (00:25:39):
Really? Oh my gosh, I totally, so you know, I’ve got a home based business. My husband quit his job, not the ex-husband, the good heads vision. He works with us now and Kevin works with me now and there was this point where I was still, because for a long time I was the one I worked from home. So I wanted to have at least dinner in the crock pot when my husband got home cause he went to work way earlier than I did. And you know, there was all these things that like as pressure, I said to myself, well, I’m supposed to do because I’ve always, after having the time as a single mom, like I had to prove something because being a single mom and had to prove that I could do it, that I didn’t know.
Speaker 3 (00:26:26):
Yes, I have been there so many times.
Speaker 1 (00:26:29):
Yeah, you totally get that. And so there was this point where like I had to do it all, I had to run my business, I had to make sure that Kevin was taken care of, I had to make sure that I had enough financial aid to take care of myself and Kevin if ever happened. And then I had to, you know, do laundry and clean house and there was a point that I just said to my husband, I’m like, you know what? Cooking dinner is on my hell new list. Like I don’t want to work all day and then have to cook dinner if it’s not on his helmet list. I wanted him to take it and I told him, the minute it becomes your hell no, then we’ll start splitting it. But right now it’s on my hell no list. And so I actually have a handout that I use
Speaker 3 (00:27:16):
That’s, that’s really great. I want to give that to everyone. Well, you know I get caught up in this when you’re talking about the single mom thing, I got really fixated for a while and I can catch myself doing it sometimes. Now, definitely not as much.
Speaker 3 (00:27:34):
But you know, when I was growing up we didn’t have, we didn’t like sit down at the dinner table at night and talk about our day and what we’re grateful for. And for some reason I’ve caught, I’ve convinced myself that in order for my daughters to have a healthy childhood, we have to do those things and we have to do it every single night and it has to be perfect. And and, and with like certain holidays, I mean we’re, we’re Jewish so there’s like so many holidays all year, you know, that were like preparing for and they laughed like a whole week. Every Friday night is Shabbat. And so, you know, I noticed like sometimes I can spend so much time trying to make it so special. It’s so meaningful that by the time it gets here, it’s like lost it, you know? And it’s just, the expectation was so high that, you know, once again, like I missed the spark. It’s like I’m trying so hard to make it perfect, but sometimes
Speaker 3 (00:28:44):
I don’t really have to make it perfect. I just kind of have to show up for it. And you know, sometimes Shabbat dinner does, it gets to be, you know, this beautiful Bates hollow that we make together and this home cooked meal. And you know, when we say the blessings and there’s music and you know, we’re just having this really peaceful time. But other times, you know, this to me is a perfect example of what balance is, if we even want to go there with that word. But it’s knowing when to like make it different. You know, like sometimes Shabbat is just two tea light candles and a frozen pizza, you know what I mean? And it, but it doesn’t make it any less special and it doesn’t make it any less meaningful or you know, what it does is sometimes I can’t be fully present.
Speaker 3 (00:29:44):
Sometimes that can be fully present after I’ve cooked a whole meal and baked bread and we’re sitting at the table, like sometimes that happens, but sometimes at two o’clock on a Friday when maybe that’s what I had planned to do. But a lot of things came up that I wasn’t expecting that needed my energy. Sometimes it’s more about instead of balance, it’s about like taking a setback shift and brought words and saying, Hey, what’s going to create a better version of me to my, how can I be more present in that situation? And sometimes that’s a frozen pizza, you know, so like a home cooked meal in a frozen pizza. It can be the difference of, you know, a spiritually adjusted mom versus you know, raging lunatic, you know, you know, but I had noticed that with everything like yoga and meditation, like for so long I kind of didn’t want to acquire those practices or I sort of was hesitant about really diving in because somewhere in my mind I had created that.
Speaker 3 (00:30:55):
Like if you can’t practice two hours a day every single day for the rest of your life, then you’re never going to be able to do it. You know? But you know what, that’s the same thing. Sometimes it’s, you know, a five minute meditation while I’m drinking a cup of coffee in the morning and there’s cartoons playing in the background. But then sometimes you know, there’s, you know, the sound of the rain and I’m setting, you know, still and listening and you know, I’m there. And so, yeah, I don’t know. I don’t know that that’s balanced. I think it’s more for me it’s awareness and pausing and learning how to ask myself what’s most important to me.
Speaker 1 (00:31:45):
Well and that’s awesome cause like one of the verb versions of that, I’m sorry for definitions of balance is to bring into harmony our portion proportion. The example they say is I struggled to balance my career and family life, a balanced diet. So when that’s in the dictionary, you know, that’s something we’re all working on and it is like, I love the word and that is harmony. You know, balance is more about harmony because sometimes we need to be a little more work and sometimes we need to be a little more home and just making sure at the end that, you know, end of day, end of week, end of month, whatever, that those to balance themselves. If you think of like the legal justice scale thing that they do that image like that, those balance each other out because it’s bringing that into harmony.
Speaker 1 (00:32:39):
And when we find that harmony, then we, that’s where we find that inner balance that you were talking about earlier, isn’t it? You know, because I know there are definitely days and it’s a little different for me now that Kevin’s 19 and he doesn’t need me as involved in his life as Rachel’s five. She needs you really involved. But there’s definitely that. Like some weeks I just need to be really, really focused on work. And then other weeks I’m like, cool, I’m taking like two days off this week. And you know, my chair right there is the boys come in and sit on and you can’t see, but I have a Brown towel there because they kind of, Kevin loves to work on cars. So I’m like, I know they’re Brown chairs, but I want to talent it so that when I sit in it later, I don’t have to sit in on the towel with dirt.
Speaker 1 (00:33:29):
But he comes in and he sits on the chair and as soon as I know he’s there, it’s like, okay, let me finish this sentence, let me finish what I’m writing. And then I give him my attention and he just sits and I mean he doesn’t sit long, but he knows that like I don’t, and then she’ll give me full focus because that’s where I find my harmony is being able to be present at that moment. Yeah. And I wish I knew that stuff when he was younger because I’m way better at being more present for him now. Like I was at every sporting event at every this at every that I worked three jobs at one point and I was doing it because it was important. But man, boy yet like I’m just like, Oh cool, I get the single mom trophy cause I did all this stuff I was supposed to and I survived. But definitely now I’m like yes
Speaker 3 (00:34:21):
Too. It’s, I think we can like do, doing all of that, like what you’re describing, it’s multitasking might just because you are physically present does not mean that you are spiritually and mentally present. And one of the first things that I teach because I primarily focus on beginner, you know, classes, what, you know, I just, I love the atmosphere of introducing these practices to people early in their journey. But that’s one of the first things that you know, ask students to be mindful of that. Our physical body is always in the present moment. But our mind is what time travels, you know. So I’m like, you know, I might be at the basketball game or at the school function, but if my brain is thinking about the a hundred other things that I need to do or have to do or things that I wish I would have done that I hadn’t done, you never found, you know, in the past or future, you know, I’m not really there. I’m not really experiencing what’s happening, you know, and learning, learning how to tap into that, you know, and pull back from commitments. You know, cause I’ve learned that too. It’s okay. Like if I RSVP for this fundraiser, it is okay for me to not go to that or, you know, and then, and, and not even really having to explain that to anyone, you know. So I mean that’s been a part of it to you and you know, being
Speaker 4 (00:36:08):
Speaker 3 (00:36:08):
Being here all day with my daughter, even this distant learning, you know, the first few weeks I figured out really quick cause I still had a full school load and I was desperately trying to do my schoolwork while she was doing her schoolwork. And it just became very apparent that that was not going to work, you know? And so I, I just had to stop and realize like, okay, I just can’t do that right now. You know, this is what I need to do. So again, I got to keep coming back to this ad. I don’t know if, I don’t know if that’s balanced. I think it’s, it’s shifting priorities, shifting energy, you know? So if we want to put the word balance on that, sure. You know, but I don’t see that really as balance. I see as like, you know, I love that, you know, roomy poets, my favorite and how has that life is, you know, an act of holding on and letting go. That’s what I think though, you know, I think I’m trying to hold on to this, that I really need to let go.
Speaker 2 (00:37:23):
That’s a whole nother conversation that’s control. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (00:37:27):
What I mean, but you have it. That’s really what we’re doing that when we’re trying to multitask, you know, we’re trying to control and, or, you know, but yeah, that is a whole other conversation.
Speaker 2 (00:37:39):
Yeah. Something else. We all do that, you know, once we let go of that then there’s a little bit more balance or harmony. But really the whole process, like one of my favorite sayings is I’m not a perfectionist, but my husband may say I am, I’m also not a control or control freak, but my husband may say I am.
Speaker 3 (00:38:00):
Yeah, that’s really, really funny. Cause if you say that you’re
Speaker 2 (00:38:04):
Control freak or your perfect, then that’s admitting that you’re not in control of who you are, that you’re not perfect. So we can’t actually admit that about ourselves.
Speaker 3 (00:38:13):
Yes. But we really can. Like we can be aware of those things and might take a step back. And I don’t know. I think that I think that goes back to the comparing or not necessarily judging others, but this fear of us being judged. And what I’ve noticed, especially in the mom community
Speaker 5 (00:38:38):
Speaker 3 (00:38:39):
The more comfortable that I have become with learning about myself, the more open I am able to be with other moms. And I have found like last year I traveled to Israel with all these moms from my daughter’s school and I was just so scared because I’m like I don’t fit in with any of them and they’re going to find out all this stuff about my did. I was scared cause I thought I didn’t have anything in common with them and I was just in my mind I had just built up because I’m comparing myself to them without even really knowing it. But after spending a couple of weeks together and having you know exactly what you’re talking about, these really deep conversations, what I found out is once I break through that fear and open up the vulnerability of these deeper conversations and connections, that’s exactly what happened.
Speaker 3 (00:39:37):
I’ve been losing that sense of comparing myself or be fear of being judged by then and we become relatable to one another. And I got to tell you, a lot of those women through this distant learning quarantine situations like I made because of the foundation of those conversations on that trip last year, like we have been able to say some really uncomfortable stuff to our kids that like, I knew I wasn’t going to be judged, you know, like they’re, they’re the people in my life now who I can say we didn’t just eat anybody else, just want to like run away from the house. You know, it’s been hard and, and we’re all trying to sit around and act like it’s not difficult. We’re all gonna suffer.
Speaker 1 (00:40:38):
We definitely ourselves the honesty. One of the yoga yamas is honesty and truth and that, that one really got me cause I was like, wow, I’m such an, you know, I think I’m a really an honest person. And then I realized, so I wasn’t truthful with myself. So exactly things you say about I wasn’t, I just wasn’t truthful with myself. It right. And the conversations I was having with myself. And then when, when we are truthful, then we are able to go deeper and have those deeper conversations. And there’s deeper friendships that aren’t just surface where you can be real. Because until you’re real with yourself, you’re not real with other people. Like it’s all fake. Me as the mom, the home, I mean the room, mom, it’s me, your mom, you know, everybody thought I had it together and I was dying.
Speaker 3 (00:41:34):
Yeah. I mean, you know, I think that what happens is we all have a breaking point.
Speaker 6 (00:41:47):
Speaker 3 (00:41:47):
We all have a threshold and it’s not always the same. You know, like otherwise there wouldn’t be all these movies that have you seen where like this woman just like loses it. You know? It’s like she had that final, you know, being, it just blows up on everybody at the PTA, you know?
Speaker 2 (00:42:10):
Well, in some of our breaking points change from day to day, like where are you in your cycle that month? Where are you deadlines that month? Where are you with your child that month? Like
Speaker 3 (00:42:20):
Right. Yeah. And that all comes back to that like learning to or having these practices that bring about this awareness where we can in the middle of whatever’s going on and really shift the spiritual priority. You know, maybe that’s that I don’t know. But to me I definitely, the word harmony, like you said earlier, that resonates with me a lot because there is more harmony. If I, if I am able to stop, take a breath, what’s most important to me right now? You know, is it, is it showing up for this event or is it going home, resting my body, resting my mind, you know, finding a few minutes of peace and quiet, whatever that might be, you know? And the more that we’re able to practice, like you were talking about practicing as yamas and niyamas. Like when I’m looking at myself, when I’m doing my self study and I’m being honest with myself and I’m practicing, you know, love and compassion to myself, then I’m able to respond to other people with more grace and dignity and less shame.
Speaker 3 (00:43:45):
Like I said before, really creating, like experiencing, I should say, vulnerable conversations with some of the other moms that I went on this trip with. You know, had I not done that I don’t know what I would’ve done without them during, you know, what we’re all going through right now, you know. So I think that’s another thing, you know, that could be a whole other conversation is I don’t, I can’t predict what is coming down the line, you know, so every conversation I have with another person or every time I, you know, show up on my mat for practice or meditation or both it’s really what it is, is it’s preparing me for something. I still don’t always know what that’s going to be, but when I take time to do self study, you know, like we talked about and Deanna and I, and I look back, I can see a clear like lineage of spiritual growth and how things are so connected and intertwined. So when I think of the word harmony, what I’m thinking about, you know, is this like this flow of energy from past, present and the future. I really liked thinking about it like that.
Speaker 1 (00:45:14):
Yeah. One of the other definitions for balance is a verb is counterbalance offset. And so it uses the example of he served black coffee to help balance out the sweetness of the dessert balance. He, his speed will likely balance out his competitors greater strength. And so while those are definitions of like a or B, like our lives are a bunch of counterbalance and even our lives with our partners, with our children, with, you know, coworkers, whatever, because we all balance each other. We balance the different elements in our lives. So that kind of goes with what you’re talking about. Like building that community of women, you’re able to balance to offset each other so that when somebody needs you, you’re able to be there. So I really liked that definition too, that it, it brings it to the, so when you, when you really look at these definitions, like we, when we look at the word balance, when we talk about somebody who’s balanced or that’s our word for the year, we don’t break it down into all these things that it’s, it’s a verb. It’s happening, it’s movement. It’s not actually, you know, math says that it’s two range. So that one set of elements exactly equals another, a balanced mathematical equation. But we’re not mad. We’re human. So it’s definitely, hello, it’s to bring into harmony. It’s to offset the other stuff. There’s so much to the depth of it.
Speaker 3 (00:46:44):
Yeah. Yeah. I’m not, I think it even goes back to me to the simplest form. One of the first things that I remember being, becoming consciously aware of is what if I had never experienced like heart rate or sorrow or pain?
Speaker 1 (00:47:04):
Speaker 3 (00:47:04):
What would I know? What joy felt like? Absolutely. You know, it’s like you kind of can’t experience one without the other.
Speaker 1 (00:47:15):
Speaker 3 (00:47:17):
I think for a long time in my life, I asked say this, but I made a lot of decisions, a lot of permanent decisions on very temporary emotion.
Speaker 2 (00:47:31):
Speaker 3 (00:47:32):
And last night went in on Wednesday night, I will lead a meditation group and the topic last night was this too shall cross. But keeping in mind that goes for the good stuff too. You know? So like you talking about have culminated and having this, you know, sitting on the chair and talking and having this conversation. You hear it all the time. And people told me when my daughter was first born and they said the days are really long. But yeah, I just, I got, but it’s that thing, it’s like this moment,
Speaker 7 (00:48:13):
Speaker 3 (00:48:13):
This isn’t going to last forever either, you know? So it’s, it’s, it’s so easy for us to use that. This too shall pass monitor when we’re in pain and suffering. Like this too shall pass. It won’t last forever. But there’s another element of that to me. You know, when my daughter gets out of the bathtub, here’s when she’s wrapped up in the towel and I can smell her shampoo and she’s just letting them hold her in her arms, you know, like ha moments going to class. Now I need to be there for that right there. Cause that’s not going to last forever either. So much of online. So much of my life spent call, I’m going to get it right from my mouth.
Speaker 2 (00:48:59):
You already had me because Kevin’s 19 and I’m like, I missed the other, I will tell you the quarantine. Cause I’ve got friends with kids the year littler, you know, four and nine. And they’re like, I’m just in my mind, I’m like, this is the first time I’m really grateful. Kevin’s 19 with it.
Speaker 3 (00:49:17):
It’s a daily thought where I’m like, I could play, but I know the second that she goes out, if I’m going to miss it, you know? And what I was gonna say is you, I lost my train of thought there, but, but yeah, you know, those moments are gonna pass to, Oh this is what we’re thinking. So it feels like so much of my life and send that to my early stages of like yoga and meditation practices. It was so formed around, you know, overcoming suffering or some kind of pain that I had experienced. It just being so focused on hardship and where I am like where I feel in my practice and in what I hope, you know, my offerings are reflecting is I really would like to channel in this idea of it’s like, Hey, you know, to set and swimmer in the good too, you know, and, and to focus on those, those moments that really do, you know, past five. And honestly I think that, you know, being stuck here all day kind of helps me relax. I can make this the best time of our life together. You know, that’s like mother and
Speaker 8 (00:50:47):
Speaker 3 (00:50:47):
Or I can resist it and we know that’s the root of all pain and suffering. It’s resisting. When I’m not accepting and I’m resisting and I want it to be different and I’m trying to, you know, control it and make it different. That’s where the pain comes from. And then what happens is my practice becomes more about the pain and you know, so there’s this, there’s this whole other like conversation about like the neuroplasticity, you know, in my brain it’s like literally, you know, Velcro for pain and discomfort but tagline, you know, for gratitude and joy. No. So really I want to build up this idea of, you know, these day joyous occasions and learning how to sit with that because that commute experience one without the other, you know, I mean I or I don’t know, you know, because I’ve never lived the life that you know, was paying free. You know, I don’t think that’s Neiman thoughts.
Speaker 8 (00:51:54):
Speaker 3 (00:51:54):
I don’t think that’s possible.
Speaker 1 (00:51:56):
Well and I’d love that that’s where you brought it. Cause the last definition that I had was to equal or equalize and weight number or portion is a good time to balance the bad times. So you were totally like exactly where I wanted to go with that because I definitely, and you hear so much of that of I’m working on the niyamas and I’m not the best with the script. But the second niyama is all about contentment. Being content when it’s bad versus being content when it’s good cause it’s super easy to be grateful plant when it’s good, but when it’s bad can you be content that it’s bad that you know it will pass. And we actually, I mean it is my belief that we have to have some of those uncomfortable moments, some of those moments that aren’t warm and fuzzy and obvious gratitude because then when we have those moments of harmony and joy and where it’s really easy to be grateful, we’re able to, you know, like Kev was having a teenage moment the other day and it was really funny because we’ve been through some struggles with him and I remember last year my husband and I both be in like what we wouldn’t do for him just to be a difficult teenager.
Speaker 1 (00:53:15):
Like, I want him to be a moody 19 year old. And so after he kind of literally like stomped in the house, he wasn’t mad at me, but I was hearing mistaken it out on. I looked at Matthew and said, you know, we wanted a moody teenager. Like we’re grateful that he’s just being a moody teenager right now. And so I like really, because I’m working on that contentment. It made me giggle that I was like, this is the moment that I want to throw him down the stairs and say, you’re sorry. I’m just going to be content that he’s being moody and that it’s okay because there’s going to be the other moment that he’s sitting in my chair waiting to talk to me about something and I have to be grateful for both of those because if he was eyes sitting in my chair, I wouldn’t know how to be grateful for that if he went out sometimes.
Speaker 3 (00:54:07):
No, I completely get that. And I think that, you know, we can miss out on a lot of that stuff because, you know, I’m trying, I, I, I some somewhere in my brain I’ve already decided what’s going to make me happy and what I want. It’s not that, you know, then I’m just like, you know, what I’ve learned is most of that time I don’t get to decide that, you know, mom type stuff. You know, when we were going through some difficult con blog, different testing, certain things with, with our daughter, you know, last year and we’re kind of, you know, still in the process of that. But I remember you know, some of the diagnoses that were being thrown out and they were really uncomfortable here. And and I met with another mom, you know, who had a child with similar diagnoses and I would never forget her telling me.
Speaker 3 (00:55:07):
When I said to her, I said, it just feels like I can’t do this. Like I, I wasn’t cleared to parents, that type of tile. And then she looked at me and says, but maybe that’s why she’s your child, because no one can parent her the way that you do. You know? It’s like when I resisted, then I’m not able to see like there’s a gift here that I’m going to be able to offer her that no one else in the whole world, you know, it’s like the beans that have, you know, that you got the bunker with no one except for you. You know? So when I, when I stop and take a look back and you kind of feel like this, this is my role, this is where I am and this is what all the setting and all the practicing and all the conversations have brought me to, you know, this is where those words come into place, you know? So it’s like you know, this analogy that I personally love is, I’m not a sports person that this makes so much sense to me. You know, the, the Superbowl teams, you know, that’s not their first football game.
Speaker 3 (00:56:39):
They’ve practiced and they had other games, you know, and they’re prepared for that event. So when I think about, you know, anything beyond this moment, I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I can prepare for anything, you know, and I really, you know, it’s taken years to kind of come to that place. But I really feel like you said consent. I feel confident knowing that. I really, you know, we really face any situation, you know, and maybe sometimes I’m a little more graceful in the accepting process than others, but that’s okay too. I’m not required to have this level of like spiritual perfectionism. And I don’t want to forget to say this and this, but in my work of like recovery there’s some literature that we read and there’s a sentence in there, our friend, the show, just to point this out to me quite often, but there’s a sentence in there that says, the most satisfactory years of your life, why ahead, which being some of the most amazing experiences of my life probably even happened yet. You know, and I don’t want to miss some, you know, I don’t want to miss out on when they happen. You know, when I look back, you know, over the, over the years, I mean I have countless experiences that tell me as long as I’m alive and there’s breath in my body, that literally anything is possible. You know, anything is possible.
Speaker 3 (00:58:37):
And in the moment, you know, it’s hard to pick up on that. That’s why it’s important to sometimes say, you know what? No, I’m not going to go to this type of way or party. I’m going to go home, you know, in my whatever light a candle and sit still for 15 minutes, you know, whatever that is, you know, for us, you know, maybe it’s running and swimming, you’re grabbing your or whatever. It looks different for all of us. You know, I think we, we’ve kind of found our niche and what works for us and you know, there’s enough room for, you know, other activities to work for other people.
Speaker 2 (00:59:14):
I mean, and I’ll say, you know, I love yoga, I love meditation, but I also love a day at the winery in the sunshine. You know, it varies. It’s finding that moment for now of what works now, because as we said, finding that harmony is being present, being aware of being alert being in the now and being present. So maybe that needs to be another conversation we have. It’s all about present. And now, thank you so much for being here. You have been an awesome first guest. You are definitely the woman. Extraordinary that I thought you are. I thought it’s still do. You’re amazing. But so especially because right now with quarantine, I know that you’re so active on Instagram and Facebook and with your yoga practices, and I love your meditation. So why don’t you tell people how to find you? Because even though hopefully people hear this outside of Greensboro, if they want to find you online, where can they find you?
Speaker 3 (01:00:14):
Okay. So currently we assume you’re at humbled warriors, gambit.com. That’s the website. And I’ll say, fine. You know, Facebook, Instagram, I’m humbled warriors yoga and we pose, you know starting this week where we’ll have our regular schedule, it’ll always do passive. I need a weekly meditation group. You can go like I said on the website, it was also, we also have a ton of free classes that are, you know, it on a YouTube channel. We have, you know, some, some memberships and online membership things going on right now. But yeah, we’re just kind of brainstorming. I think we’re gonna kind of like expand like our personally wanting to kind of open up more areas of, you know, group meditation and sharing, you know, kind of creating a space for people to ask questions and kinda have like a beginner’s practice, you know, beginners yoga and you know, really wanting to start this with beginners, kind of cumin aid type meditation offering, you know, so just kind of a donation base. But yeah, that’s where you can find us. And we’re in high point North Carolina and we’re just missing everyone. But you know, this, this whole pandemic and quarantine has really been what yoga is often that, you know, it’s preparing my, all the practices, all the setting, you know, this is, this is where we really utilize that stuff. So, you know, we’re hoping that after the summer we’re going to be up and running again and being able to, you know, put our arms around our students. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:02:10):
And I’m looking forward to that too because like that was my balance was leaving my desk in the middle of the day, run into yoga and coming back and I’m tell you, I’m still in my yoga clothes all day. Even if I’m not going,
Speaker 3 (01:02:26):
I tell people on this dune and the YouTube video, like experience the beauty of the home practice, like do yoga in your underwear, like with your hair messy and don’t brush your teeth. You know, like the possibilities are endless. You know, I love a home practice and I, you know, I’m hoping that people have found a way to incorporate that and you know, that’s really, you know, where we are with it. So yeah, that’s it.
Speaker 2 (01:03:00):
Yeah, it’s fun. It’s an experience. We’re all learning. We’re all experiencing it together and we’ll figure it out one way or another.
Speaker 3 (01:03:08):
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2 (01:03:10):
Well, you are awesome. Thank you again so much and
Speaker 3 (01:03:14):
So much since then. My love to the guys. There’s no real lucky to have you.