This is an uneditedc transcript.

through emotional healing doesn’t happen without feeling. The only way out is through Jessica Moore. Hi, welcome to today’s solo episode of grinding journey. I’m Chris. And I’ve been digging deep into the healing modalities. And I just wanted to do another solo episode to share my experience with you. This has been a really big week for me. It’s been 10 years since what I call my independence day. And if you’ve been following my podcast, you’ve heard a little bit of my story. So I appreciate you listening again, if you’ve heard it, I was with my high school sweetheart for 17 years, we have an amazing child from them. And our relationship ended because of drugs and alcohol addiction. There was a lot of healing and growth that had to happen for me to get to where I am now. And I thought that this was the perfect time to share this with you. Because it is Thanksgiving. And it’s a time to think about gratitude and a time to be with family. And it being my 10th anniversary of independence day. Reflecting on that, and the gratitude of where I’ve been in that 10 years, and how I’ve grown through it. And knowing that I could not have gotten to where I am now, without all the healing modalities that I’ve brought into my life, for my physical health, for my emotional health, for my spiritual growth, for my mental illness. And so that other quote that I was thinking about sharing was when you can tell your story and it doesn’t make you cry, you know, you’ve healed. I don’t want to get caught up in my story of where the experience I went through. But I do want to share a little bit with you of you know, like I said, I was married to my high school sweetheart, we had been through thick and thin together. And in the last year of our relationship. He was in rehab several times. Our son was 11. At that point, he was not working, I was working supporting us. And just kind of all the burden of life had hit me and I was struggling to survive. I was having migraines all the time, I was unhappy, I was so disconnected from source that I didn’t know. I even was a spiritual being anymore. I was just so caught in that survival mode. And I remember finally saying to God source, higher power, whatever word you want to use, I use God. I remember saying to God, okay, this hurts more than the healing that’s got to happen. It’s time for me to go through that healing, and asking him to remove my safety nets. Because I wasn’t actually that safe. I was really struggling and really just really in such a rough place that being on my own couldn’t be any worse than where I was. And for the next eight or nine months after my independence day, it hurt. There was a lot of tears, there was lots of prayers. And that’s where I found my faith and my faith in myself and the trust that I had to build for myself. That then opened me to connecting back to healing and the sources and the amazing things that were out there. And so I went through a time where and I became a single mom, he was not in the picture, went through 20 some court appearances to get full custody of my son. He was very unhealthy and not somebody I wanted to have custody or have my son in a car. So it was still such a struggle. And through that had the amazing support of community. I had some amazing girlfriends who would pick Kevin up from school if I couldn’t get there. I had my parents who kept them two nights a week for me while I was working three jobs to make sure I could pay our mortgage. And then through the blessing of another friend, I found a great job, which allowed me to have some more flexibility and allowed the chaos to stop. And that’s one of the things that I think prayer really brought me to is I remember I would say I don’t remember the exact wording but something along The line of please help me feel this until I actually mean it. And so going through that journey of knowing that I didn’t mean it, but I felt that I wanted peace, I felt that desire to find it. And then one day was there. And one day, the static and the chaos slowed. And I felt my connection to my soul and to my spirit. And I was able to show up for my child, and I was able to show up in a healthy relationship. And I’ve done a lot of work, that it’s hard, I definitely went through my dark night of my soul, I definitely leaned on a lot of my community. And I think that’s part of where I am now with grounding journey is I want to make sure there’s a community that even if it’s just kind of like, a shadowing night, it doesn’t have to be your dark night. But there, you know, you’re not alone, you know, there are people there to support you. And I’m so grateful for how flippin hard it was. And I don’t ever want to forget how hard it was. Because those are the times that remind me how grateful I am for that journey. Because it brought me back to me, it brought me to the piece, it brought me to the connection. And I’m not always connected. And I’m not always peaceful because I run my own business. And my husband and my son worked for me. They don’t work with me, they work for me. And it’s really easy to get stuck in that daily life of where are our clients come in, from? Who’s handled what project? How are we paying the mortgage this month. But going through these healing modalities, and seeing how many of them I’ve been able to interview on the podcast and been able to connect with and new things I’ve learned, I haven’t released the color therapy episode yet, because I’m going to release that the first of the year. Because I’m so excited about that one, I’ve already ordered two books, and I’m reading and I’m digging deeper into color therapy because I found something new that really resonates with me. And that’s what I hope this series is really doing for you is breaking that barrier for you have your have to do it alone, showing you that there are other people who have been on a journey similar to yours, whether the details are the same. But they found what resonated for them. And they found this healing. And that’s beautiful that we’re all in this together that when we surrender when we take that moment and say Okay, show me show me what to do show me where it is. I hope that this podcast is showing you some stuff. It’s being a guiding light that lets you hear things you need to hear things that resonate for you things that may not be there in an hour, but they resonated for your soul for just a few moments. And I’m grateful that you’re on this journey with me. I’m grateful to be on this journey myself. And I’m grateful for the last 10 years because I’m in awe. I am in complete awe of where I was my husband, that is a rock star. And I through this spiritual journey that I’ve been on, have had some struggles, because I’m growing because I’m stretching. And I recorded an episode about opening my records and that’s going to air in a couple of days after this episode. But seeing that, it wasn’t just him that was the struggle. It’s me, it’s the growth that I’ve made in 10 years was really amazing. And in that I’m repeating some of the same patterns with my husband that I did in my first marriage. But I’ve grown and my first marriage, he would trigger me and I would lose my mind. And there would be chaos and fights and discomfort and, and so much energy. And now when Matthew and I have a challenge, I can use my words I can express myself. My throat chakra is much more open. And it may take me two days to find the right words. But I’m able to connect with that and be in touch with those words. So I share that with you If you’re going through a footprint in time, and that’s what I call them footprints and time, because we repeat, and it’s not linear that we’re going, it’s cylindrical that we’re going. So we’re spiraling, and we may hit that spot again. But if we look at what we learned the first time we had it, and how we grew from that, that it was worth it. And that’s where I look again, at my journey of gratitude for the really, really rough stuff. Because now, when I face that stuff, again, I’m a different person. And it’s taken me a little time, in the last few months, and through all these healing modalities that I’ve worked through with clients, with guests on the podcast, to see how much I’ve grown. So I share with you having grace with yourself, when you’re quiet enough to see you’re repeating something look at, are you repeating it because it’s another time and another chance to grow bigger? are you repeating it because you didn’t learn something? So if you didn’t learn, pause, use that sacred pause to see how you can do it different. What did you do last time that didn’t work. So you can do it different this time. And if you’re repeating that pattern, but you think you’ve grown, thinking gradually yourself, that you did grow, that you did handle it different? And then look into that sacred pause of where can I grow more? Where can I grow deeper, so that the next time you hit that same spot in the cylinder, you continue to grow. And that’s what this whole life is about is growing, and learning from it and having grace with ourselves. And so I share that with you also, as it is Thanksgiving week, and some of us are gonna be with family and gonna be with people who trigger us. Where can we use that trigger as a mirror, so that we can see something within ourselves to grow from and to expand? And I know that my life coach would when I was struggling with my husband, Matthew, she would say, How’s that triggering you? Like, what mirror is that for you? And so many times I would say, Oh, that’s not a mirror? Like that’s not a trait that I have? Because that was my reaction of like, What do you mean, he’s annoying the crap out of me? How can that be something I’m doing or causing, or something I need to look at. And then I took that sacred pause. And I saw where it was triggering me in myself. And while this circumstance was completely different, of what I was repeating, versus what he was doing, but that character defect or that character trait was playing out and myself and in my life and in my actions. And my soul sister has been such an amazing support to me lately. Because she holds the mirror up for me. And I’ve learned instead of getting irritated to talk to her, and, and then saying it out loud, sometimes I don’t need the mirror because I hear it. And that’s uncomfortable. And all you can do once you start to see that mirror, and you start to hear the words that you just needed to say out loud, the fun in it is to giggle to say,

Okay, thanks universe, I get it. I wasn’t working on that before. So you had to use somebody else to trigger me.

And in a conversation that Julia and I were having. She commented about how much she learned from her husband. And that’s what we get to do. We picked our partner, we picked this life, to learn the things we had to learn to experience the things we’re going to experience, because then we get to grow from them. And then we get to be better for the growth and expand and go deeper. And that’s what the last 10 years has been for me. And it’s it was really powerful when, at the first of the year, because I knew that this was 10 years. And I know what led up to my independence day and the hardness that I had to experience to to demand my own independence. And then the empowerment and the finding myself. That happened over the next year. I mean, it wasn’t like like a one day thing, or a one year thing, it was quite a journey. And so celebrating, and yes, I celebrated my independence day to this year, I broke out champagne. I completed the chakra sacred practices deck, I sent it to the printer, so that I could really have grown. And this was my Independence Day, and celebrate that. Celebrate my growth. And I share all that with you because I want you to celebrate your growth. We’re not done growing because if we were done growing, we don’t have a point in being here anymore. Even if we’re a leader, a teacher, we still grow from those around us, we still expand. And it’s really easy to get stuck in that growth and the work that we forget to celebrate that we’re doing the work and doing the growth. And I really hope that you can celebrate it, even if you’re deep in the trenches right now. Take a moment and look at where you were, and where you are, and celebrate that. Celebrate life. Celebrate yourself and then get back in the trenches and keep doing the work because I’m definitely in the trenches doing the work. But this week gave me a chance to celebrate that. So thanks for being a part of my journey. I hope to be part of your celebration and your journey.